Right now I am high as can be and I have my work cut out for me. I avoided blogging as of late because I struggle more with what to say when it is contrived and forced. It takes quite a bit of energy to write something and really try to craft it accurately.
So much has happened since my last blog entry on this front page. That being said, it’s a struggle to write how I feel regarding the events of the past month. Specifically, the changes brought with the departure of my long time coworkers, Brent and McKenna.
As it is my goal to be constantly honest, I want to say that I have been extremely sore about their departure. So much so that I must admit I’ve gone and made an ass of myself. I can only reach to explain my nasty behavior by saying that I really care dearly about these guys and have for a long time. I am speaking about how I feel for all three Brent, McKenna and Brittany Miss High Times. It is not a stretch to say that doing radio with this group was a dream come true for me. I think the chemistry in the recordings we made together is positively the greatest, and I know it’s a winner. I can’t think any other way that by not carrying on with this special magic radio show and chemistry, moreover not recognizing the special singularity inherent within it, this my friends, was a fatal mistake.
But wait, I was just only speaking about how I felt about them on the radio. I want to address how I really feel about them in real life. In real life I think these three each have special personal power and worlds of talent. Each are capable of incredible accomplishments. Each one of these individuals has made me laugh myself silly. I’m talking about the kind of laughs that make life worth living, and memories worth cherishing forever.
What about me? Yes, I’m pretty much a manic depressive, and creative dictator in my own realm! I am also an unpredictable handful when I am unstable. I’m not always easy to get along with or reason with. I go through periods of great joy when I am producing great work, and then I have a tendency to fall into heavy despair.
I always want to become a better person. I care about the feelings of my friends, even though it may not seem like it at times. I can honestly say that I am obsessed with Marijuana Radio, and that’s one thing people must accept about me, including my wife. I want it to grow and succeed, period! I really want to see it take on a new level of success and continue to blow minds that we keep growing incessantly. I still believe it can, even in these new circumstances, even if it were me and only me.
There has been much continued contemplation on my part about whether to carry on with Marijuana Radio. Quite frankly, I felt that I had lost my purpose until I resumed the new Marijuana Radio Daily videos. I found a creative way to express myself on a regular basis that is fresh and original. I have also found that the audience really matters to me. I’ve discovered generosity in spirit from others while all these other bad things were happening, and it’s inspiring to know that people really care. I truly thank people who have gone out of their way to express their appreciation for my work and desire that I carry on doing it.
The radio show has become fun again. It’s been my pleasure doing it with Dick Black these past few weeks. I have really realized that regardless of the incredible admiration I have for the talents of Brent and McKenna on the radio, I know that I still love doing radio in general. It is still my pleasure to talk to a listening audience, and I will try to get through all the madness of my own personality to return to the microphone every week and give you the best I’ve got. I really care about the state of freedom in our country and I love expressing my thoughts about it. I also love being balls to the wall goofy and irreverent. It is a byproduct of being hugely inspired by Howard Stern. I will never back away from his meaningful inspiration in my life. If not for Howard Stern, there’d have been no radio with Paul, Brent and McKenna, and even Miss High Times too I suppose. I truly believe this.
The feedback I’ve gotten about carrying on with the show has been phenomenal. I have also gotten extremely great feedback about how people appreciate Dick Black’s contribution to the show. I am very grateful to have such a funny talent to goof around with on the microphone. I am also very proud that even with Brent and McKenna gone, the show and interest in it seems to be at an all time high. I am not rubbing it in their faces. I am merely stating a fact. I’m so proud I’ve kept consistent with the daily content to see interest grow.
I have to be honest with all of you. In the weeks after their departure I was a basket case for many reasons. In some ways, I still am a basket case because it’s just an honest part of who I am. Frankly, I hope that incredibly good people will continue to come into my life who are the pivotal kind of people that I can grow personally and professionally with in a mutually beneficial way.
They were some of the greatest people I’ve had the pleasure of being around. I know what a fool I’ve been, but I also know that our radio show together as the three/four of us was great. Marijuana Radio is bigger than any one of us individually. It was never meant to be a single spotlight on me. I don’t care what anyone says, I’ve never been jealous of the spotlight with Brent and McKenna, not in the slightest. On the contrary, I’ve just felt a beaming pride these years doing it with them and feeling like a special crew together. I’ve had the pleasure of doing some of the greatest work of my life with them. All the more reason that it’s bitter for me to see it go. Even if there were no production whatsoever except for each of us, it makes for a great recording. It is certainly a winner over the long run and disagree emphatically with anyone who doesn’t think so.
Whatever may come, I hope so much that somehow god or whatever forces in the universe might bring back such a joyous work environment again. It was such a dream come true. I so hope that my friends hear me apologizing here. I am not perfect, and I care what others have to say. I want to end by saying again how much you’ve all meant to me. It still feels like a bitter pill to swallow, but I hope you will all hear how much I adore you in these words and this blog post. How could I not be wrought with grief losing my dream team and moreover feeling like I’ve lost my amazing and inspiring friends in the process?
Photos By Natalie Gonzales
This day is told with a more somber tone. Paul was busy and forgot to record any bong hits because he had company. Driving to work Paul hears a sad message from Miss High Times. Later on Paul gets creative with himself in the car using his iphone and macbook pro. Just like everyone else? Hardly. Paul can truly hurt feelings though.
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What the heck are we up to? Take a peak in on a night where we were doing some special green screen footage for our iphone app. Keep an eye out for it in the new year! Of course there’s funny stuff, bong rips, and watch toward the end for special Happy Birthday wishes to Brittany Miss High Times 2010.
Cannaween was upon us. McKenna, DanK, Brittany Miss High Times 2010 and Paul the Producer had some time on stage to yuck it up. You can enjoy this part of the night by downloading it now!!! Itunes delivers listeners, so please rate and review us!
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Tonight was a high energy night. Brittany Miss High Times joined us in studio helping to raise the bar once again. Early on we got to talk to Jared from (hed) pe about his band’s new album Truth Rising. Later on Scott Greene from Mile High Norml brought some bad news about Denver eroding the State’s patient/caregiver rights. Near the end we said hello to our friend Vincent from MMAPR.org. This was an excellent show. Itunes delivers listeners, so please rate and review us!